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My life is not progressing right now. It seems like I am in a downward spiral. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make anything better. I'm so afraid all the time because it seems everytime I make a decision it is always the wrong one. I need, no I crave security and right now there is not security at all. I'm temping and the work is not steady. I signed up for subbing and after two assignments I am afraid to try it aain. The kids run right over me. I said I would try the younger ones but I'm afraid to take the plunge.

How can I be a roll model for my kid and tell her to face her fears and be strong when I can't even do it? I feel so alone, so isolated and I'm so depressed all the time. I don't know who I can turn to who I can talk to. Everybody had their own problems. I just can't seem to find any answers. I just want a job that I can go to everyday and feel like I matter or that I'm accomplishing something. I don't feel like I'm doing right when I go into the classroom. How can I be a teacher? I'm grasping at straws, grasping at straws and they seem to be sliding through my fingers.

I signed up to write a book in a month. I seem to be doing okay but it seems like I am pushing the words out and it reads like crap. I really want to finish on time so I can at least said I accomplished that bad writing or not.